oh gosh.
returning to school in less than 8 hours time!
i don't want to!

well,
i'll have to accept it.
my art is so screwed up.
i can't print my stats.
i don't give a damn.

i want my bubblegum!
reuban toby dcruz!
please remember!
haha.
don't eat all of it, and leave NONE for me.
i will not accept that.


the past week was rather all right.
just eating, eating and more eating.
haha. i'll be called fat when i return to school.
and my hair is LONG.
i need a haircut.
was supposed to get it on 18 May.
but it's still not cut. ):

friday
the test on friday at NJC was fun!
i saw this SJI HOCKEY GUY!
haha. number 15. he's NOT HOT. so i don't care.
i'm mean.

the math paper was easy. (:
haha. except for a few qtns here and there that i don't know how to do.
english paper.
it was easy as well.
haha. wrote an essay.
topic: "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"
whatever that was written on that piece of paper is senseless. but i came from my heart.
it's up to those people at NJC to decide if they want to accept me or not.

saw chloe.
dint expect to see her. haha.
she was 295. i was 296.
(:
i think number 300 was very cute.
i should have gotten his number.

after the test.
went out with my gd pal (:
haha. we were getting A LITTLE TOO HORNY.
we were sex-maniacs la.
haha.

saturday
flag day. AGAIN.
this time, it was raining.
so we decided to slacck. and i only collected a few coins.

met this guy call dragg from CJC.
he's a street magician? haha. gave us his number and all.
funny guy.

ARCHBISHOPS CUP!
haha. skipped curia.
it was rather muddy. so i got my shoes dirrty.

and yes.
i saw u again.
this time..
it wasn't PERFECTION.
forget it.
rejection will hurt.
-
it's all right.
i've got the best guy in the whole world.
and i'm sure he'll never leave me.
even if i were to become someone that he doesn't like. or a matter of fact.
someone that no one likes at all.


iloveGod.

`nat

u have vanished from my life (:

went to the beach yesterday with the intention to suntan.
i got damn disappointed when there was no sun. and even worse, when it started to rain.

well. the best part was getting into the water.
haha. the water makes your skin all SMOOTH and SILKY.

well, when one is freezing. rubbing sand on your body kinda helps.
haha. new discovery!

went to harbourfront for the first time in my entire life!
yayy! i feel proud of myself. and the best part of it. there's no giordano there.

i'm probably the flabbiest swimmer on earth.
haha. FATS ALL OVER.
but it's all right. fats keep one warm.
---------------------------------------------

hey andre.
thanks for the support u give me eh?
i really appreciate it. (:
---------------------------------------------

cip at library.
boring.
me and elvie were talking about RED BULL.
and how it can give you WIINGS. haha. so cute.
we kept repeating the word 'wiings' till it sound weird.
--------------------------------------------

i'm feeling like crap right now.
haiz..
it's all right. i'll be patient with you my guardian angel.
i'm just waiting for you to shoot that arrow of love for me.
i need to visit the love doctor. ):
i'm sure it'll cost a bomb.
i shan't find love.
i'll let love find me. (:
now that's REALLY CONSOLING.
blah.
i'm young relaxation's what i need.


i've got a RING from my darling.
so sweet all right. haha.
ilu!

falling down hurts.
falling for you hurt even more.
but it's all right.
the scars that are left on me will keep me happy till i forget u (:

ok.
i just feel lost now.
haha.


iloveGOD

`nat

ok passerby. fuck me if u like it so much.
blah..

YOUTH WALK
it was super fun although only joavan and i were the only ones from bsc who went.

day one.
walked.
and swam.
and then met andre. he's cute (: haha.
stayed over at st. mary's. the church is SUPER NICE.
slept like a log.

day two.
walked even more. from jurong to kranji.
celebrated mass at the war memorial site.
condusive environment.
had horrible period cramps.
but what i loved about it was the fact that he had to support me. ((:
yayy! i touched him. (sounds wrong FYI)
had a bbq.
ate ate and ate.
and ate.
slept at 3. was playing truth or dare.
i did stupid dares. haha. and erm.. refused to tell the truth?
everyone didn't shower. smmeeelly.

day three.
didn't really walk much.
went to the NEWater visitors centre.
haha. i'm now officially an ambassador of NEWater. lame.
went back to CAYC. and finally got a shower..
phew. we were all stinking like crazy.
played somemore.
had a "bbq". some parents came over.
played some games.
i got embarrassed, but it's all right.
the night ended with lots of photo-taking sessions.
haha. i hugged him! whee! haha. i'll probably never ever get to see him in my entire life again. so i shall stop thinking bout crazy stuff.
marion fetched us back to church.

haha. i initially wanted to disturb the altarboys. but i was too tired to do so.
i saw him. (:
PERFECTION.

that was the end of the three days.

oh. and i got the letter from NJC! yay!
i got shortlisted. i'm so elated. (:
god must have heard me complaining that he decided to send me a letter?
----------------------------------

went to the beach on thurs.
to sun tan. i'm obsessed with suntanning. (:
not trying to say that i'm fair or anything like that la.

friday.
had training in the morning.
got a really bad flu.
fell sick.
recovered only today morning.

saturday.
YOUTH FEST!!
yeah. saw many people i missed once again.
especially those guys from St. Teresa's Church.
they make me laugh. i miss them.
haha. go flirt with lynsey la.
was USHER for the mass. yeah. haha.
oh yeah. and i won $15 voucher for the lucky draw.
how lucky.
we've got 7 people from our church winning! whee!
went to church. too bad he went back home. ):

today.
the most fucked up day in my life.
go on.. hit me.
if you like it so much.
why on earth did u marry her in the first place.
don't think i don't know you're committing adultery.
first you say i'm nothing.
next you go to saying that i'm no better than anyone.
sometimes i don't try my best. so what?
does it bother you?
bloody idiot. just to to hell.
you don't deserve to be a father.
and no father's day greeting for you.
f*ck off..
damnit. i need a shoulder to cry on.
------------------------------------

that's the end of my interesting week.

HAPPY FATHERS DAY TO ALL FATHERS (PARENTS AND PRIESTS) AND FUTURE ONES. (:
wasn't really meant for my mother's husband. no no.
-----------------------------------

going to the beach on tues. whee!
suntan again. ((:


je t'aime.
God rocks.

`nat

pre-con camp.
fun.
not fun.
generally all right.

games were funny.
star wars wasn't really successful.
the obstacle course was stupid.
especially the station where u had to put your head into flour!
reuban!! why?

talks.
the ones by jeanne and marion were good.
dint listen to the one by bertrand. damn.

food!
boring la. same old food.
they actually thought macdonalds was a surprise.
blah-i-fied.
----------------------------------------------------------------

yesterday went town with edmund and aaron
at first we wanted to go bowling. but we dint find the right location.
later we ate.
went taka, ate somemore.
treated edmund to a nice brownie.
talked bout the super cute J2 guy.
in my past. stupid aaron, had to bring it up.

whoa lau, aaron go hug me la. so eeeee.. act gay.
crazy fellow. i was like "this guy's from SJI!" haha.
ruined their reputation..
we all wanted to bite some asses. haha. the temptation.
i forced them to look at ladies clothing!! so funny.
they were like," i wish some gal wore that (super transparent top), BUT.. without a bra."
sickos.
------------------------------------------------------------

talked to him yesterday night. it was rather stress relieving.
power of calming down ones nerves.
PERFECTION in you.
did push ups. haha. all ready for NS eh?

this morning. serving 9am.
damn la. had to attend legion meeting. my dad and mama got to see him!!
rahhs.



oh and dexter, u rock mann. help me bash up zangar like WHOA.
haha. thanks (:
i owe u one.
-----------------------------------------------------------

SUPER DEPRESSED.
dint get past application phase for NJC.
they probably see STC on the application form and throw it one side.
i hate you STC! i don't wanna belong to you.
i'm schooless. whatever it is. i wanna get out!
fuckit.


there's something missing btw me and S.
not smsing anymore.
i think it's me.


ok. i'm getting bored now.
shall go back my bag for YOUTH WALK tmrw!
yeah.. 3 whole days of walking.
the excitement.
and making new friends?
i don't want my mom to go on the third and final day.
damnit. for once, i wish u were not there.



FOOD FOR THOUGHT..
everyones perfect.
because what's perfect about mankind is the imperfection of humans.
am i making sense?



iloveGod.

u're HOT.
-sizzzzles.
missing you.

the adventures of me and sam!!

friday was the best day ever.

started off with training in the morning.
it was quite slack.
had loads of endurance training. very very slack.

later had to go to school to collect report book.
not letting my mom see it, lest i get grounded.
i think it's very good. she is never satisfied.
damn.

met sam later.
had a blast together.
went to subway to meet her and her friends.
her friends are funny.
oh and they got freaked out when they saw my math paper.
so funny la. couldn't help but smile.

swensens.
talked. talked and talked.
bout alot of things. everything.
guys to frienships to us.

walked one stretch of town.
got lost. continued walking..
then we saw heeren. walked again.

and then later went home. not my home of course.
sam's.
i've been to telok blangah heights before, but never block 88.
it's nice mann.
haha. i've been to block 69. not as nice.


ok. this is what happened in her house.
i explored her stuff. her wardrobe. and its all so neat!!
haha. alot neater than mine.

i finally saw how hari looked like. it's just hot minus the looks.
plus he's in hockey. how cool can that get.
good old hockey. never let's anyone down does it?
ok. saw daniel in the yearbook as well. he's handsome.
damn. i want a guy like that as well mann. handsome handsome and handsome!
i'm not blind.

i tried to take a few photos of myself. i felt vain.
and because i was complaining. sam offered to help me take but i insisted that she didn't do it.
i'll feel shy la.
hahah. and in the end. she took one really really cute photo of me. lying down. covering my eyes.
so funny la. i was laughing till i was on the verge of crying.
ecstatic.
---------------------------------

damnit. i'm stupid.
i don't think he's oblivious to the fact that i DO like him. or maybe he is.
i can't like him. i just can't.
bloody hell. i wanna say it. something's holding me back.
teenage relationships don't last. most of them don't anyway.
other than justin and eileen. it's just so sweet, the both of them. one 14 and the other 19. they met. they fell in love. and now they are a happy married couple.
it could never happen to me. i am not degrading myself. i'm just facing reality.

is it wise to do so?
or is it plain stupidity?
memories are good.
but good things has got to come to an end.
now that's the hard part.
letting go of things that i love.
and then.
it suddenly feels blank.
i've been through it.
only a few know.
i often deny the fact that i did have an ex.
because i wanna stay innocent.
oblivious to all the hurts and pain that all these can bring.
i'm straight. 100%.
never was crook.
never want to be crook.
damnit.
i feel vulgar now.
it's not really the correct time to say anything.
---------------------------------

well. my life is completely screwed up now.
i mean it's the correct time.
after exams. so i'm not really hating it.
life was never meant to be smooth. if not, there'll be no fun at all.
friendship crisis.
i think he's angry with me.
i don't think so.

thanks for being there for me joavan.
without you. i'll be totally lost.
my pillar of life and strength.
and sam.
thanks for just encouraging me.
never disbeliving in me.
never doubting my ablities.
and my other two good pals.
elvira and reuban.
mann. i wouldn't know what to do without you guys.
life will be just boring.
whatever it is. i treasure all of you.
---------------------------------

one week break.
it has helped me alot.
to reflect.
to relax.
and to put on weight.
i'll start my hectic schedule again next week.
studying, working, and.. shopping (what a contrast!)


ok, pyc mtg tmrw.
wanna catch some sleep now.
yeah..


this was a rather long post.


je t'aime.
from nathalie.