hey
i'm seriously going to cry.
i know "whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but i think i'm way too strong already. all these bad things happening to me at one shot.

thanks elvie. thanks rachel. you're my rainbows. =D

well. i just hope that all this is just a dream. and that it never happened.
can you help me God? not by giving me your callings. but hey. people need to do it eh?
a nun? a sister? gosh. me? nathalie rachel fernandez.. being called sister nat?

okay. i don't feel like laughing anymore. i sure dont. ):
i hate everyone who's doing all these bad things to me. why? why? why?
it's all these people who do bad things. they are just jealous that my life is just better compared to theirs.
why? why? why?
my life's just so full of questions now.

NO EVIL THOUGHTS.
REMEMBER THAT GOD IS ALWAYS WITH ME. REMEMBER THE STORY OF FOOTPRINTS.
I'M NEVER ALONE.
I'M GOD'S LOVE.
THINK POSITIVE.


God definitely has something instore for me. i hope i'll be all right.
enough of crap. enough of you. and more of mass.


my doubts that has lasted for four months are finally cleared.
my dreams are telling me what to do. God has called me a number of times. i hope to respond to that call. but i'm afraid to do so.
really. i am.

i want to respond to it. but will all my studying go to waste? will it?
what will i do with my life? ):
i want to wear nice clothes.
i want to have my nice family.
i want to have my five kids.
OR ON THE OTHER HAND.
i can have the entire church.
i can have my true love.
i can have my life in place. sedentary not to mention.


STUDYING IS MY PRIDE.
MY ONLY THING TO HOLD ON TO.
WHATEVER IM GOING THROUGH NOW IS COMPLETE SHIT.
WHATEVER IM GOING THROUGH NOW IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY OBSSESSION.
SEE HOW STRONG MY OBSSESSION IS?
forget it nat.
it dont last.
studies do.
BURN MY BOOKS AND I'LL BURN YOU ALIVE.


study days.
now till forever